sushi rolls & pineapple tarts

So I've decided to write something here after a long... 15-day hiatus. Actually some time over the past few weeks I've been wanting to post, but every time I get down to it, my train of thoughts vanishes. But considering how big a day tomorrow will be, I managed to gather my thoughts and pen them down.

Well, tomorrow marks the beginning of a 21-day battle. Not the funnest definitely. You know how teachers always complain that the through-train program students like us are not used to the stress and are going to find it tough to handle the major exams. I used to shove them off and think I will be alright when it comes. Afterall, our seniors have done it so what's there to be afraid of? Today, or rather these past few days, I've been switching to and fro between a worrisome state of mind and one that's full of inspiration. I keep thinking about the wonderful life I want to have in the future but reality always steps in to shoot my high and flying hopes down. As much as people think I am there and I am going to make it, it is not going to happen just because they say so. I have to be there to work my hardest to achieve what I want. Who doesn't want to believe he's going to make it in the end? But as the saying goes, the higher the hopes, the greater the disappointment.

I don't deny that I haven't been pushing myself to the maximum that I usually can. But judging from the conditions that I've been going through, I choose to think that I've given all that I can and whatever happens in 21 days, I'll gladly accept it.

All that I hope for now, is that I will walk out of the sports hall tomorrow, feeling good about what I've written. There's some sort of added pressure given that I consider Geography as my strongest subject and it's THE thing I want to major in in 2 years.

So I end with a few lines from Keane's The lovers are losing,
You take the pieces of the dreams that you have
Cause you don't like the way they seem to be going
You cut them up and spread them out on the floor
You're full of hope as you begin rearranging.

Some countdowns to share:

15 days to first paper
54 days to end of A's
2months less 2 days to Taiwan!!!
and... 3 months ++ to enlistment.

Super duper excited, even for the 15day countdown. I don't know why but I can't wait for it to start. Only 2 weeks left to study. I'm gonna try and enjoy every bit of studying. :)

Downing down sugarcane marked the end of happy days and fun times, and the start of isolation and intense mugging. And I did just that today, but with immense amounts of frustration topped with irritation. It really isn't easy to stay motivated and focused to do whatever I need to do. I'm overdue by 5 days already and it sucks that I'm still not getting my act together.

Came back from a trip to sis' house a few hours ago. Pretty place and I wish I could lay on the sofa with the aircon on forever.

Indeed, no one said it was ever easy to get through these 3 weeks.

I ended up postponing an OG dinner and a tennis date with the guys. What was supposed to be an eventful evening became hours of squinting. It must be the 3 days of intense SATs preparation that is causing all this eye-weariness. I don't really know how to gauge how well I did. Math wasn't that good but Physics was alright. I'm pretty pumped up about all this preparation and must-dos for uni apps. Not sure why but I'm suddenly quite determined to get to where I want, which isn't a bad thing I guess.

From Monday it's a 30-day countdown to the first paper. And... all I can say is I'm pretty excited. I'll probably get down to planning my schedule for the 4 weeks. So meanwhile it is going to be rest and more rest tonight before the real deal begins.

Am I the only one who calls out for a lifeline?

I am pretty glad I'm done with 3/4 of my portfolio. Reflections down and I'm now left with a personal statement. Honestly, I felt like I was bullshitting my way through the reflections but hey, real and true feelings aight... ?

Anyway my friend just reminded me that it is going to be 35 days left to the A levels tomorrow. That's scary isn't it? Months ago, I was still getting worked up over CT1 and now it's already going to be the big A? Wow, time flies. It's slightly about a month to go and I should really get re-started on studying. I probably need all my results back and give me some motivation like what happened for CT2. I'm not gonna lie. After getting back GP, I'm really praying very very hard that I do well for everything else. Sometimes thinking about it brings my mood down, a great deal. That's when music comes in to either bring up the mood or at least make the mellowness more tasteful. I mean, it really sucks to still perform like this at 35 days before the real thing.

As I was typing my reflections, I realise it's very therapeutic sitting cross legged, typing words on the laptop, whilst listening to Coldplay. In my recently added playlist, there's a large portion of Travis and Backstreet Boys music, and just today, I added new Coldplay tracks and new Disney songs from Miley, Demi and Jonas. This is when I start wishing the time would stop. 35 days is going to pass very soon and I don't even want to think about what's going to happen next. Such thoughts are the norm recently. I'm concerned about whether I'm going to get the scholarship, going overseas, and whether I'll survive army. As optimistic as I am, I just don't believe everything will go smoothly for me. It is as they say, "too good to be true".

Tomorrow we're most likely getting back Econs. *Sighs very heavily* Ok better go prepare some mooncakes to give Ms. Ng. I'm hoping hard I'll get at least a C. I don't wanna let my Mom down again. :\ 

Gonna go sleep now, after the rest of the songs are finished.

Fix You

Coldplay

You Can Let Go

Backstreet Boys

Before anything, I just received an email regarding Air Force recruitment. Whuuuuut? I bet it's all YFC's doing. Dang I'm not going for it. I think people are going to call me crazy for turning down the offer but I'm not interested at all. Sorry, and thanks but no thanks.

Anyway as of today, Econs, Geog and Math (and GP of course) are officially over. I'm seriously elated. Only 1 last Physics MCQ to go. I can't wait. But I'm definitely gonna make some effort. Afterall it's only 1 paper, gotta make the best out of it.

Mad tennis today, and sunblock failed. Haha so I do have a few patches of red on my face now.
Aching body but all worth it.

F1's coming soon. Come on cash, roll in~

Dear Blog,

Physics and Math papers were alright. I'm pretty glad two of them are down. I'm feeling very worn out from studying and exams. I mean I still get my 7... or 8 hours of sleep every day but 12 hours into the day, I just tire out. Like now, it's only 8.45 and my eyes are already weighing themselves down. I really need to push myself on for the next 1 and... 1/12 days? It's make or break and I think everyone else knows it too. Right now all I'm asking for is ALL of these to end. I guess I underestimated the prowess of a month-ful of prelims.

Well. Only time can liberate me now.

Anyway Daryl did something really silly this early morning but nonetheless I appreciate your thoughts.
...

I wish you had some computer generated responses to my posts. Like templates that pop up once or twice a week, saying "You can do this!" But... I doubt that's gonna happen until decades later. For now, I'll be content with being able to confide in you.

Signing off on the last day as a 17yo,
Tat (: