sushi rolls & pineapple tarts

It is as though second round of A's was over. Sure I've been going out shopping, playing sports and enjoying sumptuous dinners with my friends the past few days but deep down the SAT has been bugging me. And boy, am I glad to get it off my list of things to worry. The paper was definitely better than the first time, maybe because I actually took the effort to read up on my 1000-word list. It's my last time taking the test regardless how well/badly I do so I'm keeping my fingers crossed and hope I'll get an awesome gift from collegeboard for Christmas.

Now that the SAT is over, the real fun begins. I was on the bus, taking a long 1-hour bus ride home, and somehow I felt this cringing feeling, yknow the stressed feeling that you get right before a test or an interview. I guess it becomes part of the process after 6 years of intense studying and stress. It just felt weird to not have any academic things to think about. So whilst I was stressing out, I realised that I actually have no more studies to do until 2 years later, like seriously nothing to study. The rest of the month is going to be just pure applications and more fun, following which January will be packed with driving and work and before I know it, I'll be bald.

As Andrea wrote on her blog, it's scarier to think about what lies ahead. I totally agree with it. Few months back, we were all prepossessed with A levels but I think on retrospect, the after-A's feeling is more nervewrecking. Right now, I am very worried about my US applications. It seems like there's a lot to do and it seems like every step of it is way beyond my capabilities. Stressing indeed, and it is really preventing me from enjoying my well deserved holidays the way I wanted to. In fact, I'm not in the mood for the class buffet later at all.

Alright gotta remove these negativity around me and soak myself in enthusiasm and get more ebullient (learnt from SAT list) hahahah.

All prom-ers, enjoy the night of your life!

have been really tiring. Did some exercise yesterday and had to clean the floor under my mom's instructions and then followed by a late night steamboat with the benjy, daryl, alaric and bryan.

And now, it's off to bryan's again to plan our lovely taiwan trip. I'll post something soon. Enjoy Post-A's !

Yep, no joke. As of today, we're in a one-month countdown to Taiwan!!! I can't even describe my excitement. Nothing beats spending good quality and fun times with a bunch of close friends in a foreign land, without the scrutiny and nagging of parents.

Right now, I'm still working on some Physics question. Taking it slow and easy, considering the immense amount of work done (yeah, physics) I did yesterday. But yesterday was probably the most relaxed and stress-free day in 4 months. I guess it is the same for everyone else.  Since the end of CT 2, it has been preparations for Prelims and then right after that, before we could even catch our breath, it's already a 4-week countdown to the start of A's. But hey what do you know, it's already 2 weeks into the real deal and 9/11 papers (4/5 subjects) are officially over!

My room's pretty much in a mess. I'm still contemplating what I should do with my Econs, GP notes. I think i'll keep my geography stuff for... souvenirs. And I've already found a new owner for my Math books, so any other juniors if you want my Econs stuff, tell me SOON. I'll gladly give it to you. 2 years of Econs is more than enough for comfort.

I think there's this small need to express how I feel about the papers. I do have this ambivalent feeling going on. You know on one hand you think you wrote valid points, but on the other, you're probably thinking whether it's written sweetly or whether it's rigorous enough (especially for Econs). A good thing is that I'm not caught up too heavily with the oh-shit-i-missed-this-out thing. I'm very good at letting things go that's one thing for sure so I'm just happy I put in my best effort and we'll see what happens in March!

The next 8 days are going to be a test of will and determination. No doubt it's ONE subject and 2 papers left, and it's definitely not the most threatening subject, but every paper counts right? It hasn't been a relatively productive day today, but I forgive myself considering the amount of energy I've spent THIS WEEK (especially for Thurs' double paper).

So I'll wake up tomorrow fresh and happy, catch up with my Hongkong drama, watch Xfactor and get down to re-reading notes for Physics.

Cheers to the last 2 papers!

Week 1 of the torturous A levels is finally over and with it, 5 papers gone, 2.5 subjects finished.
Now comes the hard part - 2.5 full content subjects with 6 more papers.

I'm not looking forward to the end of A's. I'm just looking forward to the end of next week. Please don't let me perish like I think I did this week. :\

All the way baby.

So I've decided to write something here after a long... 15-day hiatus. Actually some time over the past few weeks I've been wanting to post, but every time I get down to it, my train of thoughts vanishes. But considering how big a day tomorrow will be, I managed to gather my thoughts and pen them down.

Well, tomorrow marks the beginning of a 21-day battle. Not the funnest definitely. You know how teachers always complain that the through-train program students like us are not used to the stress and are going to find it tough to handle the major exams. I used to shove them off and think I will be alright when it comes. Afterall, our seniors have done it so what's there to be afraid of? Today, or rather these past few days, I've been switching to and fro between a worrisome state of mind and one that's full of inspiration. I keep thinking about the wonderful life I want to have in the future but reality always steps in to shoot my high and flying hopes down. As much as people think I am there and I am going to make it, it is not going to happen just because they say so. I have to be there to work my hardest to achieve what I want. Who doesn't want to believe he's going to make it in the end? But as the saying goes, the higher the hopes, the greater the disappointment.

I don't deny that I haven't been pushing myself to the maximum that I usually can. But judging from the conditions that I've been going through, I choose to think that I've given all that I can and whatever happens in 21 days, I'll gladly accept it.

All that I hope for now, is that I will walk out of the sports hall tomorrow, feeling good about what I've written. There's some sort of added pressure given that I consider Geography as my strongest subject and it's THE thing I want to major in in 2 years.

So I end with a few lines from Keane's The lovers are losing,
You take the pieces of the dreams that you have
Cause you don't like the way they seem to be going
You cut them up and spread them out on the floor
You're full of hope as you begin rearranging.

Some countdowns to share:

15 days to first paper
54 days to end of A's
2months less 2 days to Taiwan!!!
and... 3 months ++ to enlistment.

Super duper excited, even for the 15day countdown. I don't know why but I can't wait for it to start. Only 2 weeks left to study. I'm gonna try and enjoy every bit of studying. :)

Downing down sugarcane marked the end of happy days and fun times, and the start of isolation and intense mugging. And I did just that today, but with immense amounts of frustration topped with irritation. It really isn't easy to stay motivated and focused to do whatever I need to do. I'm overdue by 5 days already and it sucks that I'm still not getting my act together.

Came back from a trip to sis' house a few hours ago. Pretty place and I wish I could lay on the sofa with the aircon on forever.

Indeed, no one said it was ever easy to get through these 3 weeks.

I ended up postponing an OG dinner and a tennis date with the guys. What was supposed to be an eventful evening became hours of squinting. It must be the 3 days of intense SATs preparation that is causing all this eye-weariness. I don't really know how to gauge how well I did. Math wasn't that good but Physics was alright. I'm pretty pumped up about all this preparation and must-dos for uni apps. Not sure why but I'm suddenly quite determined to get to where I want, which isn't a bad thing I guess.

From Monday it's a 30-day countdown to the first paper. And... all I can say is I'm pretty excited. I'll probably get down to planning my schedule for the 4 weeks. So meanwhile it is going to be rest and more rest tonight before the real deal begins.

Am I the only one who calls out for a lifeline?

I am pretty glad I'm done with 3/4 of my portfolio. Reflections down and I'm now left with a personal statement. Honestly, I felt like I was bullshitting my way through the reflections but hey, real and true feelings aight... ?

Anyway my friend just reminded me that it is going to be 35 days left to the A levels tomorrow. That's scary isn't it? Months ago, I was still getting worked up over CT1 and now it's already going to be the big A? Wow, time flies. It's slightly about a month to go and I should really get re-started on studying. I probably need all my results back and give me some motivation like what happened for CT2. I'm not gonna lie. After getting back GP, I'm really praying very very hard that I do well for everything else. Sometimes thinking about it brings my mood down, a great deal. That's when music comes in to either bring up the mood or at least make the mellowness more tasteful. I mean, it really sucks to still perform like this at 35 days before the real thing.

As I was typing my reflections, I realise it's very therapeutic sitting cross legged, typing words on the laptop, whilst listening to Coldplay. In my recently added playlist, there's a large portion of Travis and Backstreet Boys music, and just today, I added new Coldplay tracks and new Disney songs from Miley, Demi and Jonas. This is when I start wishing the time would stop. 35 days is going to pass very soon and I don't even want to think about what's going to happen next. Such thoughts are the norm recently. I'm concerned about whether I'm going to get the scholarship, going overseas, and whether I'll survive army. As optimistic as I am, I just don't believe everything will go smoothly for me. It is as they say, "too good to be true".

Tomorrow we're most likely getting back Econs. *Sighs very heavily* Ok better go prepare some mooncakes to give Ms. Ng. I'm hoping hard I'll get at least a C. I don't wanna let my Mom down again. :\ 

Gonna go sleep now, after the rest of the songs are finished.

Fix You

Coldplay

You Can Let Go

Backstreet Boys